As summer fades and a new school year begins, many children feel a mix of excitement and nerves. For some, though, these jitters go beyond normal adjustment. Struggles with returning to school can show up as school avoidance—a pattern of anxiety-driven behaviors that keep kids from engaging fully in school life.
At Washington Family Psychiatry, we know how stressful this can be for both children and parents. A new school year is the perfect time for a mental health check-in to ensure your child is starting off strong emotionally as well as academically.
Why a Mental Health Check-In Matters
Academic challenges, social pressures, changing routines, and new environments can all impact a child’s emotional well-being. Without support, children may develop patterns of avoidance that affect learning, friendships, and confidence. Checking in on your child’s mental health early helps catch problems before they escalate.
Signs Your Child May Be Struggling With the New School Year
While every child is unique, here are some common red flags to look for.
Emotional Signs
- Persistent worry or fear about school – If your child talks often about feeling scared to go to school, worries about specific subjects, or fixates on “what if” scenarios (e.g., “What if I fail the test?”), this may signal underlying anxiety.
- Tearfulness, irritability, or frequent mood swings – Children who suddenly become easily frustrated, cry more often than usual, or show dramatic changes in mood may be communicating that they’re overwhelmed.
- Expressions of feeling “overwhelmed” or “unable to cope” – Some children will say directly that school feels “too much” or that they “can’t handle it.” Take these words seriously, even if you don’t immediately see the reason.
Behavioral Signs
- Refusal to get ready for school – Morning battles over getting dressed, brushing teeth, or putting on shoes can be a sign that anxiety is showing up in resistance.
- Frequent complaints about feeling sick in the morning – Stomachaches, headaches, or saying “I don’t feel well” right before school but feeling better once they know they can stay home may point to avoidance.
- Prolonged bathroom breaks, nurse visits, or early dismissals – Children may seek escape during the school day, especially during stressful classes or social situations. Frequent visits to the nurse’s office are a red flag.
- Withdrawal from after-school activities – If your child suddenly quits sports, clubs, or hobbies they used to enjoy, this could mean they’re avoiding the social and performance pressures tied to school life.
Physical Signs
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches with no clear medical cause – Anxiety often shows up in the body. If your child’s doctor finds no physical reason for ongoing complaints, stress may be the culprit.
- Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or waking frequently – Poor sleep can make school harder and may also be caused by worries about school. Kids might dread bedtime because it means another school day is coming.
- Changes in appetite – Some children eat much less due to anxiety, while others may overeat for comfort. Watch for significant shifts in eating habits during the school week.
Academic and Social Signs
- Sudden drop in grades or loss of interest in schoolwork – A child who was once engaged may stop completing homework, give up easily on assignments, or avoid studying.
- Avoiding homework or becoming unusually perfectionistic – Anxiety can look like refusing to start homework (“I can’t do it”) or obsessively rewriting and redoing assignments because they don’t feel “good enough.”
- Struggles making or keeping friends – A child who used to enjoy recess, lunch, or playdates may now avoid peers. Alternatively, they may say no one likes them or feel excluded, even if that’s not the case.
- Avoiding social interactions at school – This could mean hiding in the library at lunch, refusing group projects, or saying they’d rather be alone than participate.
Understanding School Avoidance
School avoidance isn’t the same as “playing hooky.” It’s often rooted in anxiety, depression, bullying, learning difficulties, or major life transitions (such as moving or a family change). Children may genuinely feel they cannot face school, and parents often feel caught between enforcing attendance and protecting their child’s well-being.
Recognizing school avoidance as a mental health concern—not simply misbehavior—opens the door to more compassionate and effective solutions.
When to Seek Professional Help
A little back-to-school nervousness is normal. But if your child’s struggles are persistent, intensifying, or interfering with daily life, it’s time to reach out for support. Consider seeking help if:
- Your child misses multiple days of school due to anxiety, refusal, or physical complaints. Missing more than a day or two regularly can create a cycle that makes returning even harder.
- Physical symptoms regularly prevent attendance – If your child frequently reports stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue that only occur on school days, a deeper evaluation is warranted.
- Mood, sleep, or eating patterns have changed significantly – Ongoing sadness, irritability, poor sleep, or appetite changes may signal depression or anxiety.
- Family routines are being disrupted – If mornings become a daily struggle, siblings are affected, or you as a parent feel overwhelmed by the stress of school refusal, outside support can bring relief and guidance.
How Parents Can Support at Home
Parents can play a big role in helping their child feel more secure and supported. Here are some strategies:
- Open Conversations – Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What’s one thing that made you nervous today?” Encourage honesty and reassure them that their feelings are valid.
- Validate Feelings – Avoid minimizing statements like “Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal.” Instead, try: “I can see this feels really scary for you. Let’s talk about how we can make it easier.”
- Set Consistent Routines – A predictable routine helps children feel safe. Bedtime and morning routines, in particular, reduce stress and help transitions feel manageable.
- Collaborate With the School – Let your child’s teacher, counselor, or school nurse know what’s going on. They can provide support in the classroom and keep an eye on your child’s well-being.
- Model Coping Skills – Share your own strategies for managing stress, like taking deep breaths, journaling, going for a walk, or talking it out. Kids learn by example.
- Gradual Exposure – If your child is struggling to return to school, sometimes easing back with partial days, tutoring support, or check-ins with a counselor can help them rebuild confidence.
Final Thoughts
A new school year brings growth and opportunity, but also challenges that can impact mental health. By watching for signs of school avoidance and knowing when to seek help, parents can ensure their children don’t just make it through the school year—but truly thrive.
If you’re concerned your child may be struggling, Washington Family Psychiatry is here to help. Together, we can support your family in building resilience, confidence, and a positive path forward.
